“The most important sex-related skill is talking!” says Maria Nikunlaakso, sexual therapist and service manager from sexual and relationship counselling services for young people at Väestöliitto. Nikunlaakso will be the keynote speaker for the FSHS’s nationwide webinar Opiskelijan seksuaalinen hyvinvointi (‘The sexual well-being of students’) to be held in early October.
Nikunlaakso encourages everyone to talk to their partner about both their own and their partner’s wishes before engaging in sex.
“What are the conditions that need to be met for you to want to have sex? For some people, it’s important to take a shower before having sex – others need peace and quiet”, Nikunlaakso explains.
Naturally, before having sex it’s imperative that you talk about whether birth control or STD prevention is required.
Acknowledging and discussing your boundaries is essential. Nikunlaakso advises everyone to agree beforehand what to do if something doesn’t feel good.
“What’s the easiest way to tell my partner that I want to stop if problems arise during sex?”
Tell your partner what feels good
Sex should generally feel good for everyone involved. That’s why it’s important that you’re able to tell your partner what feels good for you.
Nikunlaakso says you should also talk if you’re almost ready to try something new but are still a little unsure about it.
After having sex, you should try to put into words what felt good and what you’d be ready to do again.
If you’re in an entirely new relationship, Nikunlaakso encourages you to talk about what rules you want to apply to the relationship.
“Is this a monogamous relationship where we only have sex with each other? Or is this a non-committed relationship? Or perhaps an open relationship where we’re committed to each other but agree that we can also have sex with other people?”
Your mind may, and is allowed to, change over time. Of course, you should be able to talk to your partner about it.
“The key is having the fewest assumptions possible.”
Problems are also part of sex – and you don’t have to face them alone
What if everything doesn’t go as you’d like in a sexual relationship? Partners may have differing sex drives, or sex acts may not be possible because of pain or erectile dysfunction.
Nikunlaakso wants to reassure you: the current situation may not last forever.
“You can influence many things. Many kinds of help are available for sex-related questions”, she says.
Sometimes the focus on performance in higher education can also have an impact on intimate relationships. You may start thinking that sex, too, needs to be easy and perfect. You may think you’re the only one with problems, but having sex problems is common even for young adults.
It’s also completely normal for your sex drive to change over time.
“Often in a new relationship your sex drive is high, and it’s natural for it to diminish later. Also, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong if sex is no longer what it was at the beginning of the relationship”, Nikunlaakso says.
She’s noticed that people can sometimes be ashamed to admit that something doesn’t work quite like it does in the movies. But she does find this understandable – matters relating to sexuality are very sensitive and deeply connected to our identity.
“We should get rid of all preconceptions about how sex should be.”
More about this topic in our webinar
You can hear more from Maria Nikunlaakso in the nationwide health promotion webinar to be held on Thursday 3 October 2024, 2 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. In the webinar “Opiskelijan seksuaalinen hyvinvointi”, the main focus of Nikunlaakso’s talk will be on helping young adults make decisions that will have a positive impact on their sexual health and sexual well-being. The event is in Finnish.
After Nikunlaakso, the floor will be given to FSHS Medical Director of General and Mental Health Minna Paavonsalo. Paavonsalo will tell students about our services relating to sexual health promotion and care.
Greetings will also be heard from the the National Union of University Students in Finland (SYL) and the National Union of Students in Finnish Universities of Applied Sciences (SAMOK). Jesse Häyhä (SYL) will look at students’ sexual well-being from the perspective of diversity and equality.
- To register for the Teams webinar to be held on Thursday 3 October 2024, click on this link (teams.microsoft.com)
- If you wish to participate at this online event without your name being displayed to other participants, please read the instructions:Anonymous participation at FSHS events.
The webinar “Opiskelijan seksuaalinen hyvinvointi” (‘The sexual well-being of students’) is part of the FSHS’s student well-being week entitled Small Changes for Good Health (to be held 30 Sept – 4 Oct 2024), which is now being arranged for the third time.
See the programme for the student well-being week Small Changes for Good Health.
Program in English during the student well-being week
WEDNESDAY, 2 OCTOBER 2024, 12 noon
Does having an IUD inserted hurt? Do birth control pills cause infertility? Is it dangerous to take emergency contraception (the morning-after pill)?
Questions related to contraception will be dealt with starting at 12 noon in our infoblast Contraception and preventing pregnancy: different options, and the benefits and harms of hormonal contraception, myths related to pregnancy prevention. Separate events in Finnish and English with the same content take place at 12 pm.
- To register for the Teams webinar to be held on Wednesday 2 October 2024 in English, click on this link (teams.microsoft.com)
- As a higher education student, you can submit your questions using this form by Wednesday 25 September 2024. (Please note that only questions of a general nature can be answered – don’t include any personal health information or other sensitive data in your questions.)
- If you wish to participate at this online event without your name being displayed to other participants, please read the instructions:Anonymous participation at FSHS events.
- Would you rather participate in Finnish? Please look at our Finnish website.
(Updated 30 Sept 2024 the names of the speakers for the webinar Opiskelijan seksuaalinen hyvinvointi.)